Doomed
by Person With Many Aliases
Summary: A tribute to Code Geass' newest hot couple. And Spinzaku. I think.


A/N: It probably hurt me more to write this than it ever will for you to read it.

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Of the three powers that contended for power across the globe, one of them, situated mainly in Eurasia and the Southeast, was the Chinese Federation. Of this expansive power, ruled by the figurehead Empress, and her eunuchs, its capital was the massive Luo Yang, a self styled "forbidden city" that had built out from the original walls of its ancient predecessor. Therein this sprawling maze of red painted wood, stone sculpturing, and lilies floating in water, all married to subtle high tech machinery, this was the seat of power and home for the "Child of Heaven", her ministers, and her guests.

And among these notable people that had the honor of being able to breath the same divine air as the Empress without reproach, was Sumeragi Kaguya, the young headmistress of the mostly dismantled, probably former Kyoto House, the giant underground political entity that helped fuel resistance in the mostly conquered, formerly titled Japan.

Though she had spent the previous year in the asylum of the Chinese Federation, with the appearance of Absolutely Fabulous Looking Zero on every screen in near all the world (and perhaps looking even more Fabulous), it seemed high time for Kaguya to return home and assists her comrades in retaking Japan.

Now, she was helping herself drag whatever clothes she wasn't borrowing from the palace's expansive wardrobes out of a chest in her guest bed room, and stuffing it into her suitcase.

Then she heard the door close again.

Looking up, Kaguya recognized the new presence in her room, the girl not much younger than her, in expensive finery, with silver hair and pink eyes. After all, there probably isn't going to be too many Empresses of the Chinese Federation that's every going to look like this Tianzi.

* * *

**Person With Many Aliases Presents(?):**

"**Doomed"**

**A Giant Blinking Neon Arrow of the Inevitable.**

"**Code Geass" series property of Sunrise.**

* * *

"Y-you're really going...?" Was the first words that left Tianzi's mouth.

Kaguya could only offer another of her apologetic smiles, "I'm sorry... but I'm needed there."

"B-but it's dangerous there! You'll die!" Tianzi whimpered as she trudged forward, trying to get Kaguya to understand the implications it meant for both of them.

"I won't be in the middle of the battlefield, Tianzi."

"Then why are you going if you aren't fighting?"

"Because I have to show my support however I can."

"Can't you do it from here?"

"It's not that simple, Tianzi-"

"I don't want you to go!" Was the final abrupt demand of a baleful Empress, while she clutched Kaguya's sleeve possessively. The attachee sighed and tried to draw the hands away.

"Tianzi, I understand how much I mean, as your first friend..."

"Not just that...! You mean so much more to me than that!"

"Wha...?"

Tianzi looked up with those big, bubbly eyes, and whispered, "Since we first met one year ago, I couldn't stop thinking about you... now I realize, with you leaving... Kaguya, I love you!"

With those words, Kaguya's world suddenly made sense. All their times together, taking walks, having meaningful discussions, and the amazing sense of peace that she had never felt before. All of this came from this girl before her. She understood now.

Now words were needed. Kaguya leaned down. Tianzi tilted her face up.

Their soft, velveteen lips-

* * *

"WHAT!? EEEEWWW!"

"Yeah. That's just about it."

Sumeragi Kaguya and Tianzi, and a few others from Code Geass, had crammed themselves into a small conference hall, with a projector moving through still-slides depicting events on a white screen on one end of the room.

Thus, the cast balked in between their heated contests of worldwide Magnificent Bastardry, while listening to presentations from theirs truly, Person With Many Aliases.

"Y-you... you made us kiss...!? Th-that's gross!" Kaguya could only disgustedly retort.

"Well, I'm just trying to make a point here, you know... you're doomed, the both of you."

"Wha...?"

Person raised a trembling fist, staring at the heavens above, "The moment... the moment you two and your eyes met... you were cursed... cursed, says I! Cursed by the subtext! The fan will not let you go! You two have met! Now you are bound by the red string of fate, whether you like it or not! BOOOUUUUNNNND!"

"I don't understand!" Tianzi still persisted in her confusion. Person turned to his second in command, his overly advertised Original Character.

"Tell them, Colt!"

"What's there to say? They're fucked." Colt muttered from his seat, having seen this phenomenon hundreds of times before.

Kaguya wasn't convinced, "But we don't know each other that well! Tianzi's only been in one episode, and not even for that long! How could we just be treated to be...?"

"Did you two talk?"

"Talk? Well, yes."

"What did you talk about?"

"Um... about some politics in Japan, and how I'd need to return-"

"Yeah, you're pretty much fucked. The fans are going stick you two together hip to hip like goddamn rabbits. I hope you two are 'Genki' enough, or whatever."

"That's not fair! Aren't those people paying attention!? I said I wanted to marry Zero! I will marry him! I'm not GAY!"

Person shrugged, "Sorry, Kaguya. But you talked to Tianzi. You're stuck."

"I don't get it! But I talked to Zero, too!"

"Zero has a harem."

There was a minute of silent disbelief, followed shortly by a giant second of:

"WHHHHHAAAAAT!?"

As soon as the Author stopped flailing in the wind of spittle and hysteria, he returned with his voice.

"And the rules are different there. When it comes to a Harem... well... even if Zero doesn't want the women, he's got them. And the fans will come up with all these incessant reasons why Zero would even care that he cares about them. Or something. Ah, the tragicomedy. Of course, there's always Zero and Suzaku-"

-Euphemia li Britannia spat out the iced tea she was drinking-

"Because that 'Hot Rival Scene' apparently means something aside from the fact they're supposed to be killing each other... what about Guilford and Cornelia...?"

"...What the hell...?"

"My Lady, it's all just supposition...!"

Person hummed, still thinking, "After all... just because he works under her, the moment two genders even remotely say 'hi', it obviously must mean something... V.V. And Nunally...? I mean, after all, they're the same size... maybe that 'lonely immortal and poor cripple girl with a heart full of gold' thing will play out..."

"Stop! Stop! My ears! NUNALLY!"

"Onii-sama! What ill fortune left me with my ears intact 'till this day!?"

"...Naruto and Sasuke? Negi and Kotaro? Kyon and Itsuki? Shinku and Suigintou? Utena and Juri...? Ichigo and Renji? Hitsugaya and Gin...? Simon and Viral...?"

Colt, who's raging boredom and cynicism made him immune to Person's verbal poison that was sending everyone else into fits of frothing mental torture, simply hollered out.

"Oi! Person, you can stop now. They got the point."

"Oh? Oh... hey, Suzaku isn't here!"

"Eh, don't worry about him. Haruhi decided to have fun with memes for a while."

"Ara?"

* * *

"So... you like to spin, huh? 'Spinzaku'? Well, spin away! I'll let you SPIN TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT! SPIN! SPIN! SPIN!"

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH! MY KIDNEY CAN'T TAKE ANYMOOAAAAAARRRGGGGGGHHHH-"

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**This Public Service Parody, concerning overreaction to human interaction, was brought to you by:**

"**Person With Many Aliases"**


End file.
